


A Letter to My Love

by theuncertainauthor



Category: No Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 11:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15840096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theuncertainauthor/pseuds/theuncertainauthor





	A Letter to My Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkHallway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHallway/gifts).



Dear my love,

I am just a boy. I'm just a Florida boy who prefers tea over coffee, who never gets enough sleep, who loves the arts, who loves the beach, his dog, and his friends.

Technically, you're just a boy too. But to me, you're so much more than that.

You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You're the love of my life. You're my best friend, the one who I know cares; the person who I know will stick around.

One month. We've been together one month. 

I remember the first days talking to yoy, and from then on, I was hooked. It's cliché, but talking to you became the highlight of my days. 

I remember you telling me about your crushes. I was upset, of course. But some part of me held on to the hope that maybe you'd like me back.

And then you did! That was both amazing and strange. I mean, I hid under the bed. I told you that he was named James, and you said to just text you what I would text my crush, "James", so I did.

You told me to send it to him, so I sent it to you, and you didn't understand at first. Even though it was nerve-wracking, it was the cutest thing ever. I remember how you freaked out when you realized it was you.

I remember asking you to be my boyfriend. I remember how happy you were, and how happy that made me.

And now, here we are. School has started and we're both stressed beyond belief and scared. I've poured my heart out to you many times before, and this is one of them.

Truth be told, I don't completely understand why you stay with me. I don't understand what you see in me or what my friends see in me, but I'm glad you see something. I'm glad you see something in me that makes you stay, because it gives me this sliver of hope that maybe I'm wrong. That maybe I'm wrong when I look in the mirror and see a female, that I see that empty husk of who I'm supposed to be, that it's hopeless ever trying to be myself because, to quote Evan Hansen, "Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?"

At first, saying "Wow, I hate myself," used to be a "wow, lmao, how funny, same dude, uwu" joke in my friend group. Now, it's become a reality for me. I'll procrastinate on something, and that little voice will keep saying, "Wow. Look at you, busting your ass to finish up what you had ample time to do. What an idiot."

I'll get yelled at. "Fuck up. You made them upset, great. You might as well just help them push you away even more, fuck up."

And now, people in the band know. About me being trans. It's terrifying to me. I told a few trusted people, and now people who I don't trust and who are older than me know. I'm scared, I really am.

But I know I'll have you. I'll have you, and that's all that matters. I'll have you by my side through all of this, and I'll be there for you. I promise. 

I love you, more than you'll ever know.

Sincerely, Sam.


End file.
